very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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