lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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