i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
