I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
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I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
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Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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