we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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