I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
