WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
