i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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