sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
