First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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