So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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