You really coming over, don't trick.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
