he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
