Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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