Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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