Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
