He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I smell like Dick and happiness
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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