it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
