Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
