I need help removing her.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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