He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
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There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
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That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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