I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
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Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
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I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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