Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We need to get me chipped asap
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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