He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
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