I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
