who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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