You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
