i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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