i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize