The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
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