I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
