mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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