True but thats because hes a fetus.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
