so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
