good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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