Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
