brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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