I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
