why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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