my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
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alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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