Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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