Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Still dying that you shit outside
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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