drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
