Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
