the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
