Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
