the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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