Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
