When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
