I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
