boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
