I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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