"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
