I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
