Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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