I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
