Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
how does that bad decision feel?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
