in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i drank out of a bidet.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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