Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
sarcasm needs its own font
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
